Did you ever suddenly have the time to do something you’ve been wanting to do and then couldn’t summon the energy or focus to get at it?
That describes my 2020 writing life to date. From flooded basement and furnace problems to hospital stay with a friend (with wonderful results and i wouldn’t want to have been anywhere else in the world), to this, that and the proverbial other, current events since January 1 have reduced me to an exhausted, disorganized, undisciplined mess.
When i finally do have a few hours to devote to self-publishing Beyond the Gate, my focus is diffused so thoroughly i am often able only to veg in front of the TV* consuming comfort food and drink at an alarming rate. The resultant lack of accomplishment feeds a distressing tension, increased by having announced my intentions and timeline to my 500 email subscribers.
But i’ll tell you a fringe benefit of this tense, frustrating existence: it sensitizes me to others who also seem momentarily stuck. If i didn’t know exactly what that’s like, i would be prone to judge them. But being a member of the club, i understand that this hibernation or lying fallow or hitting bottom so i know there is one, can be laced with hope and intention to move beyond–when the time is right–trusting myself, trusting God–confident in fragile patience…
Peace comes to me at times, that deep knowledge that all is well and shall be well. Such calm has been fleeting, though, and this job i’ve set for myself overwhelms with its technological nature and its several facets. To tell the whole truth, friends, the idea of forgetting about getting the book published flashes into my mind once in a while, but takes on no life. No, I’ll do it. By God, i will…
*alternating between episodes of The Crown and Schitt’$ Creek. I might cliche, “from the sublime to the ridiculous,” but there’s nothing sublime about being a royal, methinks. Sublime moments, i suppose, such as we all have.
AND A NOTE: I have a reflection in mind entitled Why I am happy to self-publish that i will post sometime, but i won’t be blogging much for the foreseeable future as i prioritize the self-publishing tasks. If, however, i need to get something off my chest and the moment to do so arrives, i’ll be in touch! Thanks, fine followers and encouragers.