Maybe I need 26 days for a full re-entry, since that’s how many days I was gone. This harrowing process, tinged by a fatigue deeper than I could have imagined and doubts about my intrinsic value as a human being, is boiling down to an exercise in faith—as life always does. Trusting in a God who loves me no matter what, continually calms me down and builds me up as I try to get a grip after my big trip.
Last night I finally found the moment to fill out a little form and send in my receipt for a special offer of a free garment after buying two others. Had to be postmarked no later than December 14. Shucks.
And my poor car. When I drove Miss Malibu into my driveway the middle of last week, I had thoughts of washing her the next morning to be followed by a thorough inside cleaning asap. Not only has that not happened, but she still labors under hundreds of volumes of books in her trunk, another re-organizing task of inventory and sorting waiting to be done.
Last Saturday morning, a week ago today, I lay in bed listening to NPR, luxuriating in a slower pace to let body and soul catch up with each other. Marvelous–but not the mountain crossed, turning point panacea I had hoped for. So still, I slog on, overwhelmed and ridiculously tired, needing to update financial records and write thank you notes, my house a wasteland of disordered piles of papers and mounds of clothes.
Oh! and then there’s the job hunt. Yikes. I need a real job. With a real paycheck. Soon.
“Be still, my soul: your God will undertake to guide the future, as in ages past.” ~von Schlegel, 1752; Borthwick, 1855; Sibelius, 1899.
Yes, even with myriad undones nipping at my heels, I take refuge in and am bucked up by the fond memories and good results of the tour. And gratitude for special times during Advent with friends and family, and good health, and an attitude toward the unknown that is broader and more positive than my own limited vision give confidence to keep me inching ahead. In all things, give thanks.
NEXT: Book Tour 2011—The futility of quantifying